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Home Stories Feel Like Quitting: “I Have Lost the Will to Live & I Want to Give Up on my Life”

Feel Like Quitting: “I Have Lost the Will to Live & I Want to Give Up on my Life”

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My name is Leonard. I am 21 years old. I am from Haiti but a US citizen. This letter is my cry for help because the world seems to be deaf to my cries for help and oblivious to my dire plight. I feel like quitting on my life and I want to give up.

Feel like quitting: Many things have happened to me, terrible things that I have endured. I was diagnosed with a severe mental illness that stops me from functioning properly and living an optimal life. I have to be in intensive care and medications.

Here in Philadelphia, I am persecuted because I am a homosexual. I was bullied out of my community. I was violated and abused by men several times without ceasing, this has been going for years. I didn’t realize how serious this was until I fell ill. I cannot go outside because men chase me with the intention of molesting and violating me. I am isolated and I remain alone. I have a lot of mental and physical problems. I went to psychiatry hospitals on three occasions – Germantown Crisis Response Center, Friends Hospital, and Fairmount Behavioral health. I stayed there for weeks to take medications and treatments.

"I feel like quitting on my life."

“I feel like quitting on my life.”

I am suicidal, suffer from severe depression, Bipolar Disorder, PTSD, OCD, and Psychosis. I have back problems and arthritis that have gotten worse since I was raped and I started to lose my sight. I cannot sleep at night and I want to cut myself because of my mental problems. Here everybody hates me and mock me. I am not accepted in the community and I am very traumatized.

 

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I feel isolated often and I want to die. Sometimes I wonder how I am always still alive and that’s why I ask my old institution to help me the way they can. I speak to therapists and speak to doctors but they cannot help me. Now, I am a peer specialist and I help people with mental problems and give them support.

After all my diagnosis, I learned the difficulties that these diseases impose on the lives of people and it’s very overbearing. I have never been able to find work in this country and even when I ask for help, men use it as an opportunity to harass and molest me. I am without shelter. It is very hard and difficult; I continue to be alone. I am constantly pursued on the street by men. I would like help! As time goes by, I don’t know if I’m strong enough to live with my disabilities and I have lost the will to live and I want to give up on my life.

 

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Note: Names have been changed to protect identities and contents have been edited for editorial purposes
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