Women Wearing Slutty Dresses: Keeping Would-Be Rapists in Their Place
“You filthy ho. Come suck my dick” They were ugly words spoken by a smartly dressed man who could have been an accountant at a prestigious company. He had that studious and slightly confused look that I have always associated with accountants. My first instinct was to slap him in the face but he was a few feet away and I was in a canteen. It was not exactly the right moment to have my tantrum. I decided to play it safe so I went for the reasonable approach: “That sound’s interesting but no, thanks”. I thought that would keep him quiet but he did not.
He said to someone facing him (another man): “Look at the state of that. I would plunge my dick in her all night long. The filthy whore. Dressed like a right old tart”. They were British judging from the accent but I was just so taken about by the boldness and crassness of it all. I knew all about wolf whistles. They had been plenty of “experiences” as I walked to and from my office. What I did not expect was that I would be confronted by such scenes at my place of work by people whom I considered to be civilized. We are a fairly large organization so I did not exactly know the men but I knew that they had to be working for the team, otherwise they would not be having lunch there.
They laughed about it like a pair of overgrown school boys. I was totally disgusted at their behavior and was minded to report them to personnel. I then thought that a much better approach was to get to know them better and finally tell them what I thought of their behavior. They seemed quite shocked when I approached their table. It was then that I realized that the comments were never meant for me to hear and that he had actually not heard my come back. This was just two men having a chat about my dress.
Now, I am quite capable of dressing proactively when I go out but this was not it. I was in a tweed suit and was wearing stockings. Interestingly the neck area was also covered up by a scarf. How that turned into me being a ho is something that is very hard to explain. Only these two men had the answer and I felt that I had to get it out of them by whatever means possible. So I went over and said I wanted to sit with them. They were overly polite and stood up. One actually offered me his seat. “Oh no you don’t!” I thought to myself but a few seconds later, thought the better of it.
I Learn about True Ignorance
This was no time for beating about the bush so I came right out with it. “Guys, I heard what you were saying and it is quite disrespectful. I am your colleague for heaven’s sake”. The first guy went completely red. The second one began to sweat. The first one was Jamie and the second was Alan (I later learnt). Jamie said “I am so sorry. We didn’t mean to offend you. We were just having a laugh”. It seems strange to me that they thought saying nasty things about women in private was somehow ok. I was also not actually convinced that it was private calling me a ho in a public canteen. Alan offered “It will never happen again. Please don’t report us”.
The tone was whiny, almost childish. These were grown men but you could have sworn that they were in their teens. I could now understand that puerile juvenile sense of humor. Any moderately attractive woman was fair game to them. They were “asking for it” by looking remotely smart. This is how rapists are actually created. They start off assuming that they have unfettered access to women and later on they move on to taking what they consider to be rightly theirs. Today’s silly prankster is tomorrow’s serial rapist. I know some of you are going to say it is a stretch but the reality is that attitudes do matter. They inform how people behave and can motivate them to do things that are typically outside their normal range of behavior.
I thought that rather than getting into an argument with these men, I would engage them in conversation. “Before I forgive you, I want to be able to speak to you about a few things”. They looked very worried. “No, I am not going to report you to HR. I don’t even know your names for a start”. They then told me their names, almost like an act of supplication. I am naturally a good conversationalist so it was not long before we were chatting like old friends. Jamie was single and desperately looking for a girlfriend or possibly wife. Alan was married but his wife was on the verge of leaving him. When I asked why, he said it was to do with the work hours and that there had been an old flame that had come back into her life.
Women Wearing Slutty Dresses: Misogynists are Sad People
There was something inherently sad about these two young men. They did not seem to possess the social skills that are necessary in order to engage with women. What was left was an infantile interest in the looks of women. To me, that spelt disaster down the line. Their attitudes were not unique to them. When we chatted they actually did tell me that Trump was their man because he always said what they always wanted to say but could never say it because of “political correctness”. I countered “You mean like grabbing them by the pussy”. Alan could have collapsed with shame. He put his hands on his face whilst Jamie covered his mouth. I knew that is exactly what they meant. This was yet another reason for me to loathe the DT. He had given the misogynists their talking points.
It sounds quite strange but we became friends after this. They would come for lunch and say things like “you are not like a woman”. Thanks guys, but I do want to be like a woman. I think that they are not bad people but they are merely parroting the anti-women things that happen in public every single day. You cannot fail to be touched by the sexism that is part and parcel of our society. Even those that appear to be gentlemen are just very good at hiding their true feelings. I could have created trouble for Alan and Jamie but I am glad I did not report them. They actually gave me lots of insight into what men like them think.
Their attitude is that if you can’t get them, bring them down. At the heart of this view is the fear that women are taking over the man’s world. They are no longer happy to be locked up at home doing housework. Instead they are doing jobs and earning money. Some women are refusing to have children or putting it off for much later in life. Others are successful single parents. They are become leaders and opinion makers in the world today. It seems as if the world of the ever powerful white straight male is crumbling. Ultimately they fear us more than they hate us. If we get close to them, they do not know how to handle things.
Alan Makes his Move
After many, many lunches: Alan asked me out. I said he was not my type. Besides, I was not about to become a replacement for his estranged wife. He seemed wounded by this response and insinuated that I had led him on. I told him point blank that I did not lead him on at all. A woman talking to you does not mean that they want you to sleep with them. Even when they flirt or dress provocatively (which I did not do); they can always say no to any proposition. I could see that there was a lot that our friendship would never resolve. Alan was so set in his ways of thinking that it was virtually impossible to penetrate the deep-seated dislike of women.
Women were the enemy, a constant threat to his masculinity. The more successful we were, the less he was able to claim his privilege as a master. We were challenging his position and that was something that was making him very unhappy. Will Alan and Jamie become rapists? I doubt so. They seem like nice people, if somewhat misguided. However, I know that many sexual assaults against women are justified by the notion that they are asking for it. Women are expected to be demure and modest whilst men can be as abrasive and as aggressive as they like. It is an inherently unequal system. My argument remains that I have the right to be as slutty as I like without getting raped. Controversial? Yes, very controversial…but also true.