Priest Sex Abuse: Lost kids and naïve parents

I will be 15 this December but I wish I was 18 already. Basically I want to leave home. My mum and dad have let me down. They have allowed our family priest to abuse me for years. We are Catholics so they pretty much believe everything that our priest says. My dad gets very upset when you say anything against the Church or its reps. I remember when he slapped me real hard. I had complained that the new pope seemed to be supporting abortion and gay rights unlike what we had been taught from when we were young. My dad said I had no business putting words into the pope’s mouth.

It is my curse that Father Leo has been our family priest from as far as I can remember. I wondered why they were not changing him but it seemed that he crossed parishes. I have this terrible feeling that he is following me. After all, he already warned me of dire consequences if I ever revealed what was happening to me. When I was younger, that was enough to keep me quiet. I knew that it was a hopeless case trying to convince my devout parents that the Catholic Church was anything but perfection. It is also rather embarrassing to tell your friends that your priest is taking advantage of you.

Only Chris my best friend knows. He has said that I should kick him in the balls to get him to stop. I tried doing that and was surprised at how much energy Father Leo has. Behind the gowns, he can pack quite a punch. He got my leg and twisted it so hard I started begging him to let me go. Then he looked at me with the coldest blank stare you could imagine. “Don’t ever do that again”. It was a very calm way of saying it but I definitely knew that this guy was a psycho and there would be consequences if I tried that again.

A Traitor and Exploiter

I am too afraid of my parents to ask them what first inspired them to get Father Leo in? I know it will never happen, but I would like an explanation. The man has been like a nasty boil on our family. He refuses to let go and follows us everywhere. It must be the way that he is able to turn faces in an instant. One moment he is a real bastard to me and the next he is the caring father figure when someone comes into the room. Maybe, because he started off so early. I must have been about 7 when he asked me to touch him. It is horrendous to think that he might even have been doing this much earlier.

My dad says that Father Leo is a good influence that will help me to be a great man and father when I grow up. Oh the irony! This man is a psycho and it is frustrating that my parents are just unable to see through him. My mum calls him a very “sweet man”, whatever that means. I know that there is nothing sweet about Father Leo. He is a bitter lemon in my mouth. He has made me do things that make me embarrassed to this very day. Chris said that I should have reported him to protective services but I think they would take me away from home. We have never had a social worker coming to our home and my parents would be horrified if they ever came.

Then you have the constant suggestions that I should go to father Leo for advice. I can see the glint in his eyes whenever dad says this. He knows what is going to happen when everybody is gone. When I was 12, he asked me whether I had started bringing the “milk of life”. I knew what he meant instantly, not just because of the biology lesson but also because I had had a rather fun personal experience. “Big Tracie” at school had brought it on. Let us just say that she had two great assets which inspired all the boys in school. We all fantasized about her but that is the last thing I wanted to share with this pervy priest.

Priest Sex Abuse: My Innocence is Stolen from Me

I knew from the moment he asked me to touch him that this was something very wrong. I felt uncomfortable. My instinct told me that my parents needed to know about this but I hesitated because I knew that he was one of their biggest idols. The last thing I wanted was to turn them against me if I forced the issue. It is rather a sad thing to say, but I think my dad would have believed Father Leo against me. Such was their belief in him that he only had to mention a word and they would do it. I was absolutely horrified when a school I had my heart set on was suddenly changed because Father Leo thought it was too liberal. Apparently I needed a good Conservative school

This father is one incredible hypocrite. He keeps talking about moral degeneration and the vice of sodomy whilst he is doing the same to me. When I hit 14, Father Leo went into a frenzy. Something must have gone off in him. Suddenly the abuse was more agitated when abusing me. He seemed desperate for my attention and actually begged me to kiss him. I completely refused and told him he disgusted me. He seemed hurt by that and punished me by being more violent than usual. This man told me that I was his and he was never going to let me go. He seemed to have convinced himself that I was falling in love with him and that we could live together ever after.

I throw up after every incident and then spend days crying. It is just so humiliating. I did weight training to try and defend myself but Father Leo is actually quite fit for a man in his 30s. Even after I bulked up, he was still able to subdue me. He knew that I would not scream because of the embarrassment. Now that he has seen me go for his balls, he is particularly careful. He has a knife with him and says that he will slash me if I try anything. One time he made a particularly dirty joke about wishing that I had no teeth. The man is sick in the head and he is making me sick.

I Resent My Parents

Although Chris says that I should have told them about it all before, I still feel somehow let down by my mum and dad. They seem to be blissfully unware as they send me to my abuser every week. His “spiritual guidance” sessions are anything but Holy. They are simply dating opportunities. Actually this is not a date but rather an assault. This man is committing a terrible crime but is somehow protected. I don’t think that I will continue going to Church when I am emancipated. I am so fed up of the whole thing. It has been nothing but a continuous nightmare for me…with the full cooperation of my parents who will not tolerate anything negative being said about the Church.

I once tried to run away but changed my mind when I realized that I had nobody. All our family friends were bound to report me back to my parents if I hide there. Chris was living with his parents but they would need an explanation why I wanted to crash with them. In the end I changed my mind and stayed put.

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Another time I actually thought I had an ingenious idea of faking a positive HIV test to put Father Leo off. He started wearing condoms after that. In fact, he humiliated me further by taking me for a forced HIV test. The clinic refused, saying that they needed my parents there instead of a priest. When the clinic told my mum, Father Leo came up with a perfect story of him wanting me to test because he knew that young men my age were “messing about”. My parents duly cooperated by asking father Leo to give me “sex education”.

Well he definitely he has given me “sex education”, but not the kind that my parents were thinking about when they asked him. I have to admit that I am feeling a bit low now. The only thing that keeps me going is that I will one day be free of my parents and Father Leo. A wicked thought came to me that if I had another brother, perhaps I would get some relief from this filth. Then I thought I would never want anyone to go through what I have been through. Meanwhile that evil man continues to lie to himself that I am falling for him and that somehow I will run away with him…deluded evil fool!!!!