A Woman in Custody “They are the salt of the earth”. I too used to think so but now I knew better. I was picked up for being over the limit. Fair enough, I had had two glasses of wine instead of wine. That terrible mistake to drive was out of character but I thought I had no alternative. I had stayed too long and there were no cabs. The drinks had come much earlier at the party and I thought it had worn off. I even drank some water to dilute the alcohol. Anyway it did not work and I was arrested. I passed all the tests apart from one and the blood test was ordered. Then the police came.
The officer told me that I was being charged with a DUI. They would keep me in for the night until I turned sober. I told them that I would take a cab since were now near the town. They said no. The car was towed to the station and I was put in a cell. It was quite cold and smelled rank. I think I must have spent about two hours there when I heard the clank of keys. A police man came in. He must have been about 28. I thought he was just doing a routine check. He looked at me and said “Dressed up, are we?” I ignored him and muttered under my breathe.
I was just waiting for the night to end so that I could be released. They had offered me the chance to make a call but I thought the better of it. What was the point of worrying everybody when I lived alone and was going to come out tomorrow? It was a relatively minor offense and I would probably keep quiet about it. I then heard urgent steps coming back. The police officer had a bewildered look on him when he demanded: “You are alone today, pretty lady?” I did not like his tone one bit. This was a little over-familiar. I instinctively pulled my shawl closer, although it was not very cold.
An Animal Enters
I was surprised when he opened the door. It all happened quickly. Within a matter of seconds, he was in. Even more alarming was when he locked the door behind him. “We are alone…”. It was a loaded statement. I responded in a rather panicky voice “I don’t know what you are talking about. When am I getting out?”. He said “Soon enough…but first let’s have some fun”. I was horrified and told him to get out. He just leapt on me and pulled out a piece of cloth. I was screaming but it seemed the place was deserted. He tied my hands then pulled out another cloth and put it around my mouth. It was dangerously close to my nose. I tried to scream louder but there was not enough air.
The next minutes are strangely imprinted on my mind but I am not yet well enough to be able to tell them to the world. It was brutal. He was very deliberate, almost as if he was punishing me. I was just thinking “God, let this stop”. After about 10 of the worst minutes of my life, he was still. It was then I noticed that he had actually put on gloves. That seemed like a significant detail because he had not been wearing globes when he leapt onto me. Looking rather ashamed, he put his trousers on. “You are a good fuck. Don’t let anybody know about this.”
Of course I was going to let everybody know about it. I could not imagine the outrage. Raped in a police cell with people outside and me screaming with no help. Later on I realized that it had all been planned. The desk staff had moved out and Officer Jim Callaghan had done his deed. All this came out during a long and extensive investigation that has cost me many things. I have now broken up with my boyfriend and have developed recurring nightmares that refuse to go away. I am an emotional mess and do not think I can continue doing my job much longer.
They Close Ranks
One has to admire the police for their determination to avoid blame, if not for their situational ethics. It was a meticulous operation that worked like clockwork. I would be asked to fill in countless forms that basically asked for the same information. I think this was designed to tire me so that eventually I would give up on the case. The first lawyer had the audacity to tell me that I could never win against the police. I thought he was a bit of a betrayer and sacked him on the spot. In hindsight, he was perfectly right. I have come to the realization that it is very hard to bring a successful case against the police. They control everything including the gathering of evidence. They also have this solidary that forces them to close ranks whenever they feel that they are being attacked from the outside.
I fought the good fight but unfortunately was undercooked. How could I have known that I would end up being raped the first night that I entered a police cell? Thankfully the tests came back pregnancy. The last thing I needed was to carry his spawn. I was particularly worried about STDs since I reckoned he had been helping himself to detainers on a regular basis. They were all in on the game and must have given him warning when there was only one person in the cell. The irony was that the police had a serial rapist in their midst and were doing all in their power to ensure that the culprit was never brought to justice.
Having been through all their claptrap procedures, I pity anyone that has to deal with the police about anything. These guys are just nuts and the institution is rotten to the core. It was incredible to see that office lie in front of the court, saying that he had only come in to check on me. They never talked about the fact that I had been forcefully showered in the morning to hide the evidence. This was almost like a double rape, with two men going all over my body to ensure that there was no trace of the heinous deed that had been done the night before. I suppose the only worse thing they could do was to invite officer Callaghan to join the clean-up exercise.
There are No Remedies for Victims
We lost both the criminal and civil case because of a lack of evidence. It was my word against his and the courts chose to believe him. Had I known what the police was capable of, I would have come ready but this caught me off guard. Rape was the last thing on my mind as I waited to be released. Deep down, I started to self-blame. My therapist says that it happens to all rape victims no matter what the circumstances are. I started thinking about that fateful night at the party: I should not have gone perhaps? Perhaps it was not a good idea to socialize with my friends? Perhaps my party dress was too provocative? Maybe I sent out the wrong signals in my captivity…that I was available and willing?
When people used to say that they have not slept for nights, I would be incredulous. How could someone not sleep for a whole 24 hours? It had never happened to me but it did after that incident. I had this hollow feeling in my heart as if it were empty. I was pregnant with frustration but there never seemed to be an outlet. I hated the officer with a passion and I am certain that if I had a chance at the time, I would have done some physical damage to him. It was a combination of things. He had violated me in my vulnerability, taken his pleasure and left as if I were some kind of disposable instrument for him to get rid of all his pent up sexual frustration.
There was zero support from the police. The liaison woman was brought in to ensure that I did not make a complaint. She suggested I just suck it up in order to avoid antagonizing the people. I told her that I was going to make a complaint even if it killed me. Officer Callaghan was not getting away with it. She was proved right in the end because they got away with it. I no longer drink anything and hate driving. My therapist says that I will eventually get rid of those two phobias but that the results of the rape will take much longer. I am grateful to him for at least believing me the very first time I told him about my story. The rest think that I was either asking for it or lying about it…just typical!!!