At the Crossroads of Gay Identity Politics. It is an opinion but it is causing me grief. In vain, I have tried to tell my LGBT friends that they are wasting their time going after an institution that is already past its sell-by date. Every day we are hearing horror stories of people’s lives who have been ruined by same sex marriage that they were encouraged into. It is shocking to see how many middle-aged men are now homeless; paying vast sums of money to their wise wives who managed to persuade them to put a ring on it. I often wonder how people who could not get their hands off one another a few years back, can hardly to bear sitting in the same room as the family court begins the painful process of breaking their lives. Later on we will talk about Civil Partnerships.

Why join the circus when we have the opportunity to forge out own path? Do people realize that the main purpose of marriage is to control women’s sexuality. Lately the women have gotten their own back by making it all about extracting as much alimony as possible from their hapless husbands. If children are involved, the deal becomes even bigger. The divorce lawyers are cashing in and even the gay couples that took advantage of the liberalization of marriage are now facing the grim prospect of an early divorce. If someone really loves you, they do not have to bring a certificate to prove it. They can show it every single day by being nice and loving to you. The marriage certificate is nothing but a piece of paper that is meant to force us into contracts for which we are not prepared for.

What about the benefits?

The people that support gay marriage argue that without it, we lose out on vital benefits such as pensions and inheritance rights that are already available to straight couples. I get that nobody wants to pay into Uncle Sam’s pocket and get nothing out of it. However, you do not need a marriage certificate to be able to access state benefits. We should advocate for more benefits for gay couples instead of fighting for the mirror image of a straight marriage institution that is fast turning into a divorce factory.

The fiscal conservative in me even resents the idea that the government has to subsidize people for doing nothing but loving one another. If you want to show your love, subsidize your own lovers instead of asking us to pay for it. Tax credits, allowances etc…ban the lot. We have enough debt without bringing more people suck on the government tit. The thing is that people who are always supportive about marriage and family, soon change their tune when benefits and gay people come into the mix. I agree; marriage is a personal choice and should have personal consequences. We have no responsibility to cater for loved up couples who suddenly decide that they want to get hitched.

Please do not give me that old wives’ tale about “it is all for the kids”. Many of us do not have children, have no desire to have children and will most likely never have any children. Why should we have to put up cash to cater for those that are going on a breeding spree. Children are the future workforce but that is after they have been educated and looked after by their doting parents. If those parents are lucky enough then the children will not dump them in a nursing home at the earliest opportunity before liquidating all their worldly possessions. Marriage sucks and raising children for the government sounds like something out of the Nazi play book.

I also happen to think that it is rather sad that people have to get married in order to access some benefits, regardless of whom provides the benefits. Most of the things that are enjoyed in marriage can and are enjoyed outside marriage…you get my drift. It is simply an institution that has gradually lost its own moral compass. That is why many right-wingers (or shall we say, right-whiners) are so desperate to be seen to protect marriage. The writing is on the wall for the institution and they know that they are fighting a losing battle. I predict that by 2100, hardly anybody will be getting married and that people will be the happier for it. I wish I could extend my life span to reach those happy times.

What About the Morals?

What a load of nonsense. Everyone has their own morals. As far as I am concerned, Jesus had it just about right. Love your neighbor as you love yourself. I would add that you should also do no harm. So many so called “moral people” completely miss the point. They assume that the Bible gave them a passport to unfettered bigotry. What they mean by love is the ability to control your life. Just ask women how many old men have tried to control their vaginas for years. Sometimes women’s wombs are the subject of serious parliamentary debate!

Morals (like patriotism) have become the last refuge of the scoundrel. Busybodies and know-it-alls are hiding behind morality in order to control our lives. We should listen more to Nancy Reagan: “Just Say No!” I know she was married to a reactionary but deep down I knew that Nancy was as quirky as the rest of us. We heard the stories about the séances and I am sure she has met a gay man or two in her life. Anyway, back to the main point: being a good person does not require you to give up sex or to get married. The moralists are selling us some stale snake oil.

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I happen to believe that all organized religions should get the hell out of the business of moral management. We have enough ruckus from the tree huggers. The last thing we need is yet another worthy message from those who have nothing better to do with their miserable lives. As long as you are a fairly decent neighbor and do nothing to harm others; you should be ok. I doubt heaven is going to reject good old Joe Blogs who has never harmed a fly. However, I am not sure that nosey Sally will get through after harassing so many hapless women at her local Church.

What About Civil Partnerships?

To hell with civil partnerships. Just because a priest does not preside over your earthly imprisonment does not make it any less of an imprisonment. I really do think people need to smell the coffee on this one. Civil Partnerships are the poor relations of marriage. You get all the hassle with few of the benefits. How can that ever be a good deal. Gay people think that Civil Partnerships give them so kind of kudos at the table of patriarchy but I have some bad news for them. Those guys are not that into you. They are doing what is knowing as placation and manipulation. Just ask the house negroes about what they got out of their collaboration.

I would hazard that a Civil Partnership gets the worst of both worlds. You have all the threats of divorce and alimony, yet you cannot have this big party with men in fancy dress mumbling words that mean very little to everyone in the audience. Just be nice to one another and love will win the day. If you are not getting along, get another partner or stay alone. There is no need to throw a tantrum and call in the cops because your other half is no longer interested in you. I have seen far too many men and women make a fool of themselves over divorce. The whole thing is an unnecessary mess that must be buried if we are to have any peace.

What if I am ever so, so, so sad?

Are you single, childless and old? Tough luck baby. You came in alone and you will go alone. If you are lucky enough to find someone half decent to share your life with, grab them with both hands (figuratively and literally). If not, then just make the best of it. You do not need someone else to make you happy. I think people need to get some self-efficacy training so that they do not spend their lives pining for some knight in shining armor or damsel in distress.  You do not need rescuing and you certainly need not do any rescuing.

All that is needed of you is to lead your days as if they were the very last time you had on earth. Enjoy them on the things that matter instead of throwing wedding parties that you can ill afford and getting yourself into messy divorces that you can well avoid. Life is too short to go where you are not wanted. I say this with all due respect to those amongst us who have taken the plunge and been happily married for years. Kudos to you but please do not shove your marital bliss on us.