I was having lunch at my favorite restaurant on Broadway when I overheard two girls in their early 20’s, talking smack about a guy named Jonathan.
I didn’t really mean to listen to their conversation but they were practically seated right next to me. The other girl was telling her friend how Jonathan’s face turned red when she asked him if he’s gay. Then they both burst out laughing.
It wasn’t too long ago when I came out to the open. For so many years of hiding in the closet, I have lost count on the number of times I have been asked by the people I know if I am gay. And for a closeted guy, this is the hardest and annoying question you encounter every now and then.
So after hearing their conversation, I had an epiphany. “When was the last time I was asked that question and what ridiculously dumb answer did I give them?” Then I suddenly got flashes of crazy memories in my head. Then it hit me; I realized that I actually had my top 7 most ridiculous answers to this one million dollar question.
1.Exercise your Miranda Rights
I’m neither confirming nor denying it. Why don’t you figure it out yourself? You are very smart, what do you think? Silence…
2.Remind them that No means No
You keep on asking me this stupid question, especially when you are drunk; and my answer has always been the same. What part of the word ‘No’ don’t you understand? Obviously you’ve never been told ‘no’ before. Haven’t you heard that “No” means “No”. The fact that we are both drinking doesn’t mean I will give in to you.
3.Use world peace, it works all the time
If I say yes, will that solve all the problems in the world? Will we finally get world peace? If not, then my answer is NO. Unless we can finally have world peace then it’s a YES!
4.Slay it with one-liner
Is that a question or an insult?
5.Just question his question kind of answer
Can I answer your question with a question? Why exactly do you want to know? Will my answer going to make you rich or anything? What?
My answer depends on what response will make you happy. I’ll be whatever you want me to be; what can I say…I am a nice guy.
7.Be a traveler’s guide
What kind of question is that? I’m not certain what you really need or what you are looking for, but I am pretty sure you won’t find it here. Go ask someone else.
These are just some of the funny answers I have. How about yours?